i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
