I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
