Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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