Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have fence marks all over my body
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
