No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
