Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
