there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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