How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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