Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
