Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You pole danced in your parka.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
