Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
