This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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