I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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