you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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