Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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