She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
