Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
