Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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