even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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