Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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