Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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