I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
