just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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