hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
