I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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