yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
