Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
