omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
