marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
wow bdsm is so cute
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
