I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
