doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
