Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
