Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
