If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
