Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
