listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
