the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
