47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
