i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
