she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
