How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
