Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
