someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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