Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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