I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
