Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
