Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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