standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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