so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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