Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
