My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
