Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
