I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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