worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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