To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
