She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone came in the potted fern
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
