you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
