dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
